Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize