from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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