I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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