Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
