I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
