I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
