he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
