i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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