i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
