my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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