hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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