about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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