when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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