Please, let me fuck your mom
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
