He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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