Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
