I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
