Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
