ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
