my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
