Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
