We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
