i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize