No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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