People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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