If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i believe in u and ur pee
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
