they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
