I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
