whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
