Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
