Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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