Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
