Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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