Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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