Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
