"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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