He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
