Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
