Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
