this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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