She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize