Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
