The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize