Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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