I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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