6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
