So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
