There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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