We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
