I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
