This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
