i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
