I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
