my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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