I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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