did you get engaged???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
