when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
