Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
