my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think a kid would responsible me up
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
