not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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