hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
