Kiss
Puke
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
