Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
