Umm I'm too high to move.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
