I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
