WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
