I skipped work to stalk him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
