Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
