I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
