My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize