I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
