what day is it and did you see me today?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
