I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
