im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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