I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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