The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
