I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He better not be in your backpack
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
