Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize