her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
