Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
