Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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