how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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